3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
