Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
