I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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