That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
