The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
MIDGETS
????
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
