You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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