Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
it's like heaven, but drunker
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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