I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
