Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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