I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
