You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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