i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
