OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
