you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
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