i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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