Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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