I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
is this the sara with the beer cane?
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
