why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Found the puke drawer
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
