drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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