people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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