She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
