I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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