I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize