he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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