hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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