My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
