Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
