The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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