atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
