i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
