...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
