Are we in a gay sports bar?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
