Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
