a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
