I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
