I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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