I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
