Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
