i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
