her vagina looked like bernie madoff
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize