we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Randomize
