I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize