I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
