I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
