He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize