he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
