He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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