I wish I could punch you in the face.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
