I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Randomize
