and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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