There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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