i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
