Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
My hand turned me down
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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