this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
