She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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