at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
