Your tits are I can't wait for
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
