She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
