Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
it was like eating out sand paper
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize