I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
