I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
