I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
