drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
