I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
