Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Quick, to the slutcave!
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
