I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize