i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Enjoy the penises
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
