sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
