if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
