Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
