Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
