You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
