she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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