man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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