some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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