The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
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