i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
