So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
