My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
