everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
