It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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