so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Randomize
