Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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