I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
