I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
