I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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