return my video game
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
