the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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