Your face is a jimmy john
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Pooping to opera.
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