my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
