ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Randomize
