i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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