I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
