my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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