Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm having to shit out rocks
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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